Boozeday Toosday: Frying Okra Like A Boss.

I write to relax when the day gets long
3 shots of whiskey and 2 rips from the bong

Drowning in poison and righting a wrong
I turn on my ipod and crank up the song
Stress has consumed my shoulders and back
I need a massage worse than Tyrone Biggums needs crack

Frying some okra and I manage to break the tongs
On the floor of the bathroom are some leftover thongs
If sinning paid royalty, then I would be blessed to the core
If I stay more sober, then I won’t wake up to a whore

Whores are fun and help pass the time
And, apparently, I like my women as cheap as my wine
When will I grow up, or settle down as they say
If only I could see my future as well as the NSA

 

Fuck Bitches.  Get Okra.

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The South Will Rise Again

Just like George Orwell said, the surveillance state has reared its ugly head. You can’t log on your computer without having someone monitoring your work. You have to worry about strangers watching you through your webcam when your pc isn’t even on. You can’t drive down the road without having a camera take photo at every red light. The police state is strong like an ox. For most this is just a way of life. People don’t care that they are being watched. They think that only those doing bad things should mind the cameras. Why do people think this way? IF this surveillance is actually here to help us, then why aren’t murders prevented? How is it possible that anyone is even kidnapped?

Our media is the leading producer of liberals in the world. Media has instilled the belief that surveillance is good, guns are bad, and government is our daddy. Just last night I watched Obama give a 30 minute speech under the pretense as a guest on The Tonight Show. Obama discussed that Snowden was a traitor, all Republican congressman were the problems, that the economy was improving, that Hilary Clinton is a saint, I killed Bin Ladin, the NSA is here to help, and that guns are bad. Yes, the usual liberal nonsense that we read in the news on a daily basis.

At times, I find it hard to believe that even hardcore liberals buy into most of this crap. I understand they are generally less educated than right wingers (it’s true liberals. people say you are smarter in the same way they say the employment rate is going down…) Now, I’m not here to ridicule liberals or tea party members. Frankly, I don’t feel like writing that long. I am only here to point out that common sense should guide us all to realize that surveillance is bad.

Psychologically, it does irreversible harm to people living in a police state. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner went through your phone, your belongings, etc? This is the exact same thing. A relationship without trust isn’t a relationship at all. It is just one person taking advantage of the other. Further, I would be hard pressed to find any proof that surveillance is doing one beneficial thing for our society. It certainly isn’t deterring crime. You would think that kidnapping/murder/etc would be down given all of the cameras, but that isn’t the case. The only place that crime is down is in areas where guns are legal. Crazy, huh?

All of the liberal areas that ban guns and install surveillance have a growing problem of crime and murder. The old saying, “The South will rise again,” will come calling in the near future. It won’t be in the form of racism, rather it will be protecting their constitutional rights. Call them stupid all you like. Sometimes people measure intelligence in silly ways.

I have been blessed to hangout with some very bright minds that hail from around the country and globe. I have seen 47 states and 13 countries with my own eyes. Rednecks actually have as much common sense as anyone I have met. We can sum this up by comparing an Ivy League education against a public education. Most think the ivy league education makes you smarter. In actuality, it just costs more money and affords you the ability to learn from more prominent members of society. Neither of which makes you a lick smarter than a kid taking free classes from edX or someone at a junior college in Mississippi. Frankly, college is nothing more than a ponzi scheme, but that is a conversation for another time.

Surveillance is here. It’s not going anywhere either. It has slowly started marching our country towards the long overdue civil war we are all due. Once the economy starts to hit rock bottom, (we’re still not there unfortunately) the pieces will really fall into place. I guess this is why a country needs a civil war every 100 years , to keep the government in line.

If you are worried about terrorism, then you are badly mistaken. I stand a better chance from dying on my drive home from work today than you do of witnessing a terrorist even in your entire lifetime. 95% of the terrorist attacks that occurred today were likely American drones blowing up a wedding or school bus. The South will rise again. Another 2% of our country’s rednecks will give their lives for the betterment of our country. Will anyone even notice?

  • “The way things are supposed to work is that we’re supposed to know virtually everything about what they [the government] do: that’s why they’re called public servants. They’re supposed to know virtually nothing about what we do: that’s why we’re called private individuals.” ~ Glenn Greenwald
  • “These examples and many others demonstrate an alarming trend whereby the privacy and dignity of our citizens is being whittled away by sometimes imperceptible steps. Taken individually, each step may be of little consequence. But when viewed as a whole, there begins to emerge a society quite unlike any we have seen — a society in which government may intrude into the secret regions of man’s life at will.” ~ William O. Douglas
  • “The most sacred thing is to be able to shut your own door.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

Cloudy With A Chance Of Inflation

We hear a lot about the employment rate.  In fact, it has become a weekly/monthly talking point for millions of people.  Just this week, I read where U-3 and U-6 unemployment rates are down.  Over the past year I have seen the employment rate slowly drop with each report to as low as 6.5% recently.  By most accounts it seems quite obvious that things must be getting better, right?  I wish that were the case.  The truth is that we are constantly redefining what ’employment rate’ means so people can be persuaded into believing that things are getting better.

Why doesn’t anyone discuss the underemployment rate? You know, the rate that says how many people are working vs. how many people aren’t working. Would it have anything to do with the fact that damn near 30% of our population would be considered underemployed? Would it be because the true employment rate has been sharply decreasing for several years? I suppose nobody wants to let you know that 1 out of every 4 Americans is underemployed.

The next time you hear someone reporting on the unemployment rate just pay the figures no mind.  These numbers are manipulated to manipulate.  The truth of the matter is that our country is broke and nothing is going to change that.  How much QE must we infuse to realize it is only prolonging the problem?  Why must we continue to inflate the bubble we are living in?  Why must we continue to fuel the separation between rich and poor?  Why must greed dictate humanity?  Why?

  • “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”  ~ Groucho Marx
  • “I predict future happiness for Americans, if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.”  ~ Thomas Jefferson
  • “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” ~ George Burns
  •  “Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.” ~ Ronald Reagan

I Am A Magician With A Bottle Of Wine

I have become increasingly suspicious that women are just using me for my alcohol.  It usually begins midday with a random text from a lady that is likely bored to death and has nobody else to text.  A few messages later and we have likely settled on dinner at my place.  Throughout the day we will continue to exchange some witty banter via text message or email.  Before you know it the lady is knocking on my door.  We will say hello and exchange a few pleasantries and fake compliments.  We will sit down on the couch and have a glass of wine.  I will tell a few obnoxious stories and inappropriate jokes.  We will then have another glass of wine.  She will talk and talk and talk and talk.  I will have another glass of wine.  We will likely begin to playfully touch one another as we chat.  We will then have another glass of wine.  She will begin to flip her hair, bite her lips, or drop subtle sexual hints. We will have another glass of wine.  At this point, it becomes increasingly obvious that nobody wants any dinner.  She only came for the wine.

  • “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ~ William Shakespeare
  • “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”  ~ Marilyn Monroe
  • “We love the things we love for what they are.”  ~ Robert Frost

I Left My Soul In San Francisco

If love was a drug, then it would be crack cocaine.  If apathy was poetic, then it would be public shame.  I don’t know where I left her.  She has been missing for years.  There were no funerals.  Nobody was in attendance.  I can’t recall seeing anyone shed a tear.

Feelings are for the feeble.  Emotion is for the weak. I miss crying.  I miss trust.  Most of all I miss my sleep.  Today, I awoke to a face I didn’t know.  I remember it vividly.  The wind.  The smell.  There was about an inch of snow.

What made me lose the northern star to my heart?  Is she hiding?  Am I tripping?  Did I lose her during the night with a fart?  Perhaps, I left her at a café in Amsterdam.  Or, it could have been Berlin.  At that club, I know I drank over a liter of crown.

My life is a blur and there is really no way to know.  I just wish I could remember where I left my beautiful soul.  Now I know I need her.  She is so precious to me.  If you find her would you mind mailing her to me?

Like a fiend all I need is just one more taste.  Her face is quite lovely.  It is as timeless as lace.  She smells like the ocean mixed with honey and cream.  She tastes like heaven and her walk is mean.

For now I am in limbo floating around with the wind.  As hopeless as a Charlie Sheenless’ Two and a Half Men. When I find her I know that I will turn it around.  Until then I roam aimlessly from town to town.

  • “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • “All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost.  The old that is strong does not wither.  Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Bobby Petrino’s Pimp Hand Is Strong

The best prostitutes on the planet can’t spit out O’s as well as he can.  He started out coaching under Mike Price, yes, that Mike Price, before he took a gig with the Atlanta Falcons, only to make out, like a thief in the night, 13 games in on his first season.  He wrecked his motorcycle which exposed an affair he was having with a collegiate athlete while coaching Arkansas.  In turn, he was publicly shamed and lost his job.   Perhaps, you’ve heard of the guy.

The guy is clearly a liability. Most coaches would never get another opportunity after running out on a professional organization and embarrassing a collegiate program a couple fo years later.  Bobby Petrino isn’t most coaches though.

He likes to fling it, both literally and figuratively. He’s really, really, REALLY good at it, too.  So good, in fact, that he just accepted a head coaching job at Louisville.  Less than two years have passed since he publicly shamed an entire state.  Yet, he has already been trusted to run another program.

The man drinks heavily.   He enjoys prostitutes.  He meddles in extramarrital affairs.  He embarrasses his employers.  He humiliates his family.  He pisses off most of the coaches that ever worked for him.  However, recruits love him.  Quarterbacks love him.  Receivers love him.  Hell, his wife still loves him.  He has a way of manipulating secondaries in the vertical passing game just as he does his women.

Good for you, Coach Petrino.  I admire your work.  Both on the field and off.  Merica.  Fuck Yeah.

  • “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ~ Alexander Pope
  • “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ~ Plato
  • “Life is short, break the rules.  Forgive quickly, kiss slowly.  Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably.  And never regret anything that makes you smile.” ~ Mark Twain

2013: The SparkNotes

Duck Dynasty is more American than self entitlement. It is more genuine than exchanging disability checks for votes. Who knew a group of dumb rednecks would have the same amount of power and influence as a corrupt union of politicians and corporations? Proof that America may still have a fighting chance both literally and figuratively.

Climate change folks can get to stepping.  The world is cooling.  Seriously, guys.  There is a 99% chance the earth will freeze over before we are burnt crisp from heat.  Examining climate in 10, 30, or 100 year increments can be likened to examining a globally traded stock based on 1 day’s performance.  With that said, I certainly think man made climate change does occur.  I just don’t think most people understand how insignificant the change is.  If you hellbent at dwelling on something, perhaps you could start with the radiation that should consume eastern Asia and the Pacific Ocean over the course of the next quarter century.

Government shutdowns are silly.  They are nearly as silly as people voting on candidates based on whether they have a (D) or an (R) beside their name.

Journalism is the equivalent of gossip through prayer.

The online currency craze that we are going through blows my mind.  Excluding junkies, what sort of person would exchange physical money for invisible money?  It seems absurd to me.  Then again, paper and plastic is a normal means for everyday transactions.  Silly people.

Benghazi.  We knew.  We lied.  We covered it up poorly.  We lied some more.  People die.  Shit happens.  Wipe it in the press and move on.

3D printing is nearly here.  I need one.  And a sugar momma.  And a trust fund.

A new Pope was elected.  You could place bets on who was going to become Pope.  If that isn’t patriotic, then I don’t know what is.  I dare say he has his work cut out for him.

Edward Snowden helped open our eyes to the police state we live in.  People are welcome to label him a patriot or a traitor.  I suppose both are fair statements.  I’m not sure how I would have handled it if I were in his shoes.

America is still at war.  I’m not sure if anyone knows who we are at war with, but we are still fighting.  Project Drones 4 Humanity is in full effect.

  • “I have not yet begun to defile myself.” ~ Doc Holliday
  • “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” ~ L.M. Montgomery
  • “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” ~ Sigmund Freud