The Skreets

The more I learn, the less I understand. The more I speak, the less I should have said. 

Perception of choice cut twice with soda. Chickenheads are twinning as they pan for clover. Drive slow homey and remember to keep your composure. 

Solar eclipses can cause the blind to see. Optical illusions of a foreign memory. Negligent of space. Unopposed to time. The oats we sew come to roost in ample time.

Starting off hot isn’t as important as finishing strong. The pace you set is the chorus to your song.

Calamity is coming. I can smell her near. Drop what you’re doing, man up and try to show no fear.  

Close one eye, hold your breath and gently squeeze your dear. No time for reflection. Ain’t nobody got time for your tears.

*Listen with your nose. Smell with your eyes. Watch with your ears. Feel with your heart. 

*If love doesn’t cost a thing, then why do women expect men to pay?

*Do they build stairways to Hell?

*Public opinion is more important than most facts. 

*You pick the roads you take, but you can’t control the traffic.

*People love humility. It momentarily distracts them from their own failures.

*I love you more than a gremlin loves the seven dwarfs. 

*”As soon as I cum, I come to my senses.” ~ Lil Wayne

*”Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald


A Note To My Illigitimate Child

Two times a lady. Three times a charm. Seven times is Gospel. Better sound the alarm. Love is poetic. Life is blunt. Death is sporadic. A sacrifice bunt. Birth is genetic. Dying is a cunt. Knowledge is apathetic. Ignorance a punt. All things considered. Going with your gut. Look both ways. Don’t get caught in a rut. Wash your hands often and brush your teeth twice a day. If anyone tries to punk you then dance and jab like Cassius Clay. Honor the veterans that you meet and give thanks when it’s due. Before passing judgement, consider life in their shoes. Never forget where you came from. Or those you step on while you grow. Always use manners and putt for your dough. Optimism and perspective sprinkled with brown sugar and cream. Keep your chin up and try to wait for the seam. Trouble comes in threes so never double down. Whenever I come to visit make sure you have some Crown. Mess up early and often. Ask questions until they’re annoyed. Wear gloves to pick cotton. Always try to stay employed.

Above all find religion and faith of some kind by any means. Keep one in the chamber and treat two women like Queens.

Free Agency

Monkey see monkey do
Learned behavior through and through.
Next man up, blackhawk down
Forever faithful, without making a sound.

Diabolically delusional, chaotic to the core
She killed him softly, he combed the shore
Scorned, lusted, exponentially thick
Pressure points, a flicking tongue and a whole lot of

Sick, twisted, emotionally lost
Doing whatever at any given cost
Pay with time, learn with greed
The day before tomorrow is yesterdays seed

Floating without clocks, sulking without wine
You worry bout yours and I’ll worry bout mine

King Me

The clock is ticking
So few understand
Without a war we haven’t a leg to stand
Our media is corrupt
Journalism no more
Our own President seems like a hypocritical whore

Sony is a screen
Social media smoke if you will
That sound on your roof likely isn’t reindeer
And why panic now
You laughed all along
What fun is there in proving someone wrong
Now enjoy Christmas
Be merry and junk
Maybe Santa will have 18 trillion in the trunk

*Occasionally, religion gets in the way of common sense.
*Those requiring proof of forthcoming storms are found dead after the storm passes.
*Intelligence is its own handicap.
*Scratch a lie. Find a thief.
*Skeet happens. Wipe and move on.
*If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
*Digging up the past makes your hands dirty.

Long Tuesdays. Good Green.

Stimulation of a mind is better than sex. Manipulation is blind, a soul complex.

One inch of rain equals ten inches of snow. Blowjobs in the morning were meant to go slow.

Fireplaces and peaches. Chocolate and silk. Whiskey and syrup. Cookies and milk.

Anticipation is the worst fear of all. The 20th of December is the last day of Fall.

*Everything is funny until someone doesn’t laugh.
*Loyalty is a great liability.
*Part of accepting someone’s money is doing as you are told.
*Manipulated minds make for unpleasant dreams.
*It takes 1 year to get to know someone, 2 years to “sell” them and 3 seconds to lose them forever.
*Whenever I’m having a good day I like to remind myself that Marshawn Lynch was accepted to Berkeley, but I wasn’t.

3 Months Worth of Randomness

  • Why Doesn’t God ever call preachers to a smaller church?
  • Remember it isn’t a 1 night stand if you keep your feet in the air.
  • Some trials are too important to leave up to a jury.
  • One day I hope to be half as smart as I thought I was when I was 18.
  • Somebody once told me that tattoos make people look meaner.  I just think it means they look irresponsible with their money.
  • When a woman gets fake titties, she may, in fact, gain some self esteem.  However, she loses the self respect of most men worth having.
  • Jesus sure gets a lot of press for somebody that everyone seems to have hated since the beginning of time.
  • While it is true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.  One man’s opinion is his opinion alone.
  • Prostitution is better known as affirmative action.
  • Online communication promotes narcissism.  You are just staring at words or pictures on a screen rather than your reflection.
  • Whoever said there was no such thing as a dumb question in all likelihood was handicapped.
  • Politics are like alma maters.  For better or worse, you root for your school’s team.  No matter if you have any clue who is playing or not.
  • Ever noticed how fast your apps work when you allow them full access to your phone?  It’s like they are on faster server…
  • People don’t stand for anything that doesn’t earn them a seat down the road.
  • When a man fights with a woman, he must treat her as he would a small child.  That likely sounds harsh and sexist, but it is true.  Public Perception dictates such.
  • He who has the most money is usually right.
  • Love arises from a lack of desire elsewhere.
  • If perception is reality, then reality isn’t very real.
  • My love for psychology has left me destined for loneliness.  Thankfully, I am most happy alone.
  • I was bored today and googled “best looking lady.”  Michele Obama, Nancy Reagan, Kamala Harris were among the top 10 results.  Looks like I won’t be masturbating online anytime soon.

“Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves.” ~ English Proverb

“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it is a memory.” ~ Dr. Seuss

“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.” ~ Thomas Pynchon

“Give me 6 hours to chop a tree and I will spend the first 4 hours sharpening my axe.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“The world is a comedy to those that think; a tragedy to those that feel” ~ Horace Walpole


Say It Ain’t So

Mosquitoes were gently whispering all around my ear
As I pleaded for her to grab hold and come over here

The warm humid breeze on a clear afternoon
No worries or fear of a potential lampoon
Watching this all as a narcissistic buffoon
A stones throw away sat seven geese and a loon

Above all of them sat two eagles and a crow
Three hundred yards away were a peacock and a doe

My hand started twitching like Michael J Fox
I stood up to see if it was her or the rocks

She was headed right for me and I had to think quick
I opted to play coy and kept one hand on my dick

She darted to the left and I sprang like a jack in the box
More certain than a bet on the Reds vs the Sox