Cachinnation from an Agelast

Fickle and fatuous. Canoodling a fard. Donnybrooks ensue. A rambunctious ra-tard.

Smellfungus shenanigans. A quean’s delight. Pettifoggers malarkey. Not a goombah in sight.

Sufferin’ succotash meets jumping jehoshaphat. Lawd have mercy, look at Jessica Rabbit’s ass.

Hollowed out fiction meets babbling banter. The Natzis and Klan sprinkled in with a Panther.

Gongoozled by ecdysiasts. Eructations of a klutz. Maverick meets nincompoop. A Kate Spade clutch.

A pretentious pettifogger. A decanter of wine. Nocturnal nirvana. Pandiculation devine.

Friday fodder. A lagopodous shrine. Trump is a mugwump. Clinton a canine. 

Descriptive and clutch. Poetic and polite. A three legged crutch. Tonight is the night. 

“Hard writing makes easy reading”

“When you wish to instruct, be brief; that men’s minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind.”

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

“The finest language is mostly made up of simple in imposing words.”

The Skreets

The more I learn, the less I understand. The more I speak, the less I should have said. 

Perception of choice cut twice with soda. Chickenheads are twinning as they pan for clover. Drive slow homey and remember to keep your composure. 

Solar eclipses can cause the blind to see. Optical illusions of a foreign memory. Negligent of space. Unopposed to time. The oats we sew come to roost in ample time.

Starting off hot isn’t as important as finishing strong. The pace you set is the chorus to your song.

Calamity is coming. I can smell her near. Drop what you’re doing, man up and try to show no fear.  

Close one eye, hold your breath and gently squeeze your dear. No time for reflection. Ain’t nobody got time for your tears.

*Listen with your nose. Smell with your eyes. Watch with your ears. Feel with your heart. 

*If love doesn’t cost a thing, then why do women expect men to pay?

*Do they build stairways to Hell?

*Public opinion is more important than most facts. 

*You pick the roads you take, but you can’t control the traffic.

*People love humility. It momentarily distracts them from their own failures.

*I love you more than a gremlin loves the seven dwarfs. 

*”As soon as I cum, I come to my senses.” ~ Lil Wayne

*”Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald



Friction in society.  The sheep try to graze.

Generalized anxiety.  Gaza is ablaze.

Redundant irony.  I hope it’s just a phase

Undeniable variety.  A new minority a day.

Wealth isn’t something that sparkles or shines

Courage isn’t something that you can simply inscribe

Wit is an understanding that is a gift and a curse

Patience isn’t exactly measured in net worth

Many skills acquired. A few will quickly be forgot

Most things you learn in school aren’t as important as learning to tie a palomar knot

I need only shelter, water and bread

A little chocolate here and there and some slow head

Life is simple when you finally get her by the throat

With so much water on earth all you need is a boat

A bathing suit and a nice peacoat

Your toiletry items and a preferably a small tote

A change of underwear and two pairs of socks

Lots of booze, some pot, and a couple of rocks

A lighter for the drugs and some ice for the sauce

The breeze and the humidity will quickly make you lost








I Left My Soul In San Francisco

If love was a drug, then it would be crack cocaine.  If apathy was poetic, then it would be public shame.  I don’t know where I left her.  She has been missing for years.  There were no funerals.  Nobody was in attendance.  I can’t recall seeing anyone shed a tear.

Feelings are for the feeble.  Emotion is for the weak. I miss crying.  I miss trust.  Most of all I miss my sleep.  Today, I awoke to a face I didn’t know.  I remember it vividly.  The wind.  The smell.  There was about an inch of snow.

What made me lose the northern star to my heart?  Is she hiding?  Am I tripping?  Did I lose her during the night with a fart?  Perhaps, I left her at a café in Amsterdam.  Or, it could have been Berlin.  At that club, I know I drank over a liter of crown.

My life is a blur and there is really no way to know.  I just wish I could remember where I left my beautiful soul.  Now I know I need her.  She is so precious to me.  If you find her would you mind mailing her to me?

Like a fiend all I need is just one more taste.  Her face is quite lovely.  It is as timeless as lace.  She smells like the ocean mixed with honey and cream.  She tastes like heaven and her walk is mean.

For now I am in limbo floating around with the wind.  As hopeless as a Charlie Sheenless’ Two and a Half Men. When I find her I know that I will turn it around.  Until then I roam aimlessly from town to town.

  • “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • “All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost.  The old that is strong does not wither.  Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

From Santo Domingo to Montreal (til the sweat drips down my balls)

Everyone loves to travel.  At least, the vast majority of people I have met claim to.  More accurately said I think people want to temporarily get away from home for a spell.  It doesn’t matter where home may be.  All places become monotonous after a couple of years.  It is invigorating to experience other cultures. Little compares to letting your hair down and getting out of your element.

I have always thought traveling abroad was much more insightful than anything I ever learned in a classroom. It not only opens your eyes to what else is out there, but also helps you to appreciate the things you already have in your life.

I have always had better chemistry with those who are well traveled.  I have never been able to put my hands around why this holds true.  We all naturally form bonds when we travel together.  How is it that that same aura is seemingly following us around upon our return home?  Are our pheromones altered whenever we cross the pond?

Very few people enjoy floating around like a feather in a dust storm, but aimless trips are some of my fondest memories.  That being said, I usually forgot everything after my 8th shot of whiskey.  I have usually been more concerned with finding my pants or figuring out exactly where I was in correlation to where I needed to be.  Asking inconsequential questions like, “What’s your name?” or “How did I get here?” were never high on the priority list.

Narcissistic humor aside my point is that travel expands our minds, bodies, and souls.  It allows us to develop new perspectives and appreciations for other cultures without any of the normal pressure.  These experiences will follow you around and refine your judgement for the remainder of your life.  The next time you are contemplating if you should take off.  Drop what you are doing.  Leave your suitcase in the closet.  Turn off your cellphone.  Purchase a 1 way ticket to whatever spot you have in mind.  Chances are good that you’ll find yourself gone longer than you ever imagined.  Chances are even better that you’ll return home with a fresh outlook on life. Happy Globetrotting.

  • “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” ~ Mark Twain
  • “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” ~ Augustine of Hippo
  • “Not all those who wander are lost.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien